Our relationships with other people can be the source of our greatest happiness, joy, and fulfillment. They can also be our greatest source of frustration, disappointment, and grief. We hurt the ones we love as they say.

Is there a surefire way we can improve our most cherished relations? I offer up two possible solutions for your consideration:

1. Watch carefully
2. Be reserved

Watch Carefully

In the movie The Breakfast Club, the Brain asks the Basket Case what her parents do to her. She replies, “They ignore me.” Her parents weren’t watching carefully. They weren’t seeing her. Their attention was somewhere else. And she withered.

People—like pets and plants—need attention. They need care and nourishment. Sometimes we forget this. People put up great facades to hide their pain and shame from the world. We think they’re are doing okay when in fact they really aren’t.

Be Reserved

Reserved is defined as being slow to reveal emotions or opinions. Much of our relationship problems stem from the preconceived judgements and expectations we place on people. And when they fail to act as we’d like them to, we get annoyed or hurt or angry.

But what if we slowed down? What if we spoke less and listened more? What if we tried to see and accept others as they really are, and less of what we want them to be?

They just might surprise us.

Reserved is also defined as something kept specially for a particular purpose or person—as in reserving a seat.

Do we keep a special spot in our heart for just that one person? Do we reserve a space for them, and them only, that is untouched and untarnished by the outer world?

A sacred inner sanctum impervious to outside influences.

If we watch carefully and become more reserved in our thoughts and intentions, our relations will bloom and flourish.

To your good fortune!